Guest Post from Eric: My Life as an INFP

23 Sep

Eric wrote this in far earlier but I only had time to publish it today, what with my life being slightly hectic. I really enjoyed Eric’s post as I particularly like reading about INFPs in ‘un-infpy’ types of occupations- like science, engineering, sales- it challenges me to understand that we are a varied lot, with varied interests.

Eric is a Software Engineer.

I like what Eric says here: “To me life is all about the possibilities and the potential of what people and things can be.

This resounds with a quote I found recently: “What lies hiding within each object? A garden, so to speak.” ~Philip K Dick

Thank you Eric.🙂

(E: all highlights below in post are my additions)

Keyboard by Geopelia

image attribution:

Name : Eric
Age : 25
Topic : My Life as an INFP

I always liked the title “The Idealist” that is sometimes used to describe INFPs because I feel like that may explain why I do crazy things from time to time.

Just to give a basic outline of who I am, I’m currently employed as a Software Engineer, I’m strong follower of Christ, and I live in my own home with four roommates.

Somedays I think it is very ironic that I’m employed as an engineer as I’m not naturally a detailed person, nor do I have the typical engineer attitude of wanting to stay to myself. I think what helps me be good at my job is the fact that I have a perfectionist mindset and that drives me to become more detailed than I would naturally be.

Though I do admit that being engineer is probably not the ideal job for me because I spend most of my day in an office alone, when I’d really rather be dealing with helping people individually with their problems.

It’s hard to serve a computer screen full of code. Though my job does allow me to be creative at times as I also am in charge of user interface design, so I believe that gives me just enough of a fix to balance out my work life.

My life outside of work, is basically all about people.
From time to time, I try to take up different hobbies, but I find the one I am most consistent at is spending time with people over a coffee, or some dinner, just hearing about what they are going through.

I have somewhat of a low opinion of myself, which is different than a negative opinion
, because I do not think bad things about myself, but rather I think I’m only a very small piece of the bigger picture of life. That is why I’m always a bit surprised when I find out if some girl “likes” me or if someone regards my opinion highly.

I’m not sure if this is common with other INFPs but over the last several years of my life ( probably around when I turned 18 ) I started learning how to be an extrovert in certain situations to be able to better connect with people.
Typically though it is just a disguise because it takes a lot of energy for me to become an extrovert and I’m very exhausted at the end of any extroverted type activity.

There are two things, that I as being an INFP need to specifically work on. First off is dealing with conflict.

I extremely dislike conflict, and I know, I know, most people do not, but I feel as if I have a special dislike for conflict. I hardly am ever honest about if something somebody says to me is offensive. I usually just shrug it off and try to laugh, and maybe try to rework the words in my mind to think about all the possibilities of what someone “could have” meant instead of thinking about what they actually said.

When someone breaks a promise to me, I rarely ever call them out on it, I usually just say “it’s ok” and move on. Though now that I own a house and have four roommates, I’m slowly learning how to be better at dealing with conflict, because it seems like every day there is some responsibility that someone has forgotten to do or some issue somebody else is having another person in the house.

Through the process of being the landlord and head of the household I’m learning that conflict is necessary at times because people must be held to a standard to improve in their lives and if I’m always avoiding conflict with others I’m not helping them improve in their own lives.

Second thing I need to work on, is letting go.

I cannot tell you how many friends that I have that do not care to talk to me, or at least have lost interest in me but I still call them and leave them a voice mail every few months just to see how they are doing.They may not even respond to several of my voicemails in a row, but I will keep leaving them voice mails.

I was involved in long distance relationship with a girl for over five years and after some conflicts with our values I decided to “let go” and even though it has been almost two years since I have seen her, I still ponder from time to time, if letting go was the right choice, even though I was confident in the decision that I made.

I really hate the words “goodbye” I avoid thinking that those words are actually real sometimes.

One last thought about my day to day life. To me life is all about the possibilities and the potential of what people and things can be. I can never drive over a bridge, or enter a building, or do anything “normal” without thinking that there is more to this moment than meets the eye.

I picture my life and the lives of those around me as the most exciting story ever! Though, at times it gets me in trouble as I think of stuff playing out like a perfect movie where everything works out and there is a magical moment when everything makes sense, but somedays are just not like that and that’s always the struggle to be ok with the normal.

As I often like to quote from one of my favorite songs “Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn’t want to live there.”

Anyways to wrap all of this up, I enjoy being who I am, and like I said previously, somedays I do think I’m a bit crazy to have all the ideals that I do have, but I think its worth it because life does have purpose and to find that purpose is the best thing in the world!

Thanks for listening to me🙂

Inconsistent MBTI Test Results

3 Sep

I have been getting too many inconsistent results on the personality tests I have been doing recently.
Out of 6 MBTI online tests I just took:

3- were INFJ
2- were INTP
1- was INTJ

Maybe because I have been so close to the border all this while at the ‘T/F’. Also, perhaps working with ‘J’s has made me more appreciative of aspects that have pushed me towards ‘J’. Some of the people I hang out at work with are ISFJs.

Interesting results.. wonder if there are other reasons behind this..

Guest Post from Lily: Random things about life as an INFP high schooler

19 Jun

Hi readers, today we have someone special: the first person who answered my open invitation to contribute- who describes herself as  “a rising senior in HS”. (high school) and whose first guest post is about life as a INFP high schooler.

This is Lily & her post..🙂 Thanks Lily..!


Enigma by Xavi Talleda

image attribution:

Name: Lily
Age: 17
Topic: Random things about life as an INFP high schooler

First off, I want to say thanks to ellzrae for allowing me to write a post for this blog.

I’m going to provide a little background because background is nice. I’m a rising senior in HS and my first personality test was taken in 10th grade. It was supposed to help with college choices or something. Nothing came out of it except my amazement at the super accurate profile of an INFP, which is what I ended up getting as a result. I never looked at it again after I stepped outside the classroom. Until the 12th of June, a couple days ago.

I was flipping through Naviance, a college planning website that my school is subscribed to, when I accidentally came across my results again. This time, I looked at the profile with renewed interest. Once again, the accuracy of the assessment amazed me. I did further research into the characteristics of an INFP and was just blown away by all the attributes it named. This was exactly like myself!

On one of the sites, it said that INFPs are not too social and that we like to spend time by ourselves. We also like to keep things to ourselves and are somewhat intriguing to people who meet us.

I have a teacher who I’m really close with because I suck at his class and always go in for extra help. We spend hours together working on code (he’s my CS teacher) and through these close moments with each other, he’s found out a lot about me. When asking him for a recommendation, we sat down and discussed all my attributes.

He started out by saying that I was an “enigma”, a “puzzle” and that he didn’t really “get” me. He also said I was always quiet in class and seemed to lack confidence. Everything he said about me was pretty accurate.

I really enjoyed the “enigma” comment he made. I have a thing for guys shrouded in mystery (even though it usually means danger), so when he told me he thought I was a puzzle that he couldn’t solve, I was kind of happy (as bizarre as that sounds).

It pleased me to know that other people didn’t “get” me, that I was unsolvable. Some of you may get this and some won’t. He mentioned that during our 1-on-1 sessions, I always took a long time to answer his questions before cautiously giving out an answer. This is also true; I read somewhere that INFPs like to ponder and analyze a question before coming up with an answer.

Another time, he asked if I was a perfectionist. All his theories and all his comments about me were absolutely correct. No other teacher I’ve had has ever gone so…deep into my life with me before. I guess it’s only because we spend so much time together. Pity he’s not cute.😛

Another attribute of INFPs is that we like to express our true selves to a select group of people. This is also so accurate for me. I’m not a social person and to everyone who only knows me a little, I’m often seen as shy and reserved. And this is true.

With many people, I AM shy and reserved. This doesn’t help with guys though. Especially since most of the guys I like are shy and reserved themselves. My love life is going nowhere. Sigh. Anyway, like those websites say, I’m more outgoing and show my true self to only a couple of good friends and family. I remember one time in PE class, I was talking to my friend and I swore at something. The teacher walked by and looked at me with surprise on her face – “Did Lily just swear?” she asked. The other kids in the group were all – “Yeah, that’s the first time I’ve heard her swear.” Truth is, I swear all the time, but just in front of people who I’m comfortable around. If you ask any of my teachers if they believe I swear, they would say no. In their eyes, I’m totally innocent. For the most part, I am. But still.

I’m usually the mediator of a disagreement and generally dislike conflict. I also take criticism very seriously and hate to be criticized, much more than others do.

I should probably end here, it’s getting kind of long. It’s not much but it’s a small window into my life and how others view me.

I hope it was interesting to read about. And once again, thanks for posting this, ellzrae!


An open invitation to my readers to contribute here as a community blog

10 Jun


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A letter to all my lovely readers:

I started this blog in May 2008, around 4 years ago- in an effort to understand myself and express those feelings I felt being at a crossroad in my career and not being able to progress in life.

Here was one of the first posts I wrote:

Over the years, I sought to understand more of the MBTI as a way to bulwark against the confusion and anxiety I felt in dealing with people in general.

Here is my observations I felt were right at that time:

However, at no point I fully or righteously believed that my opinions were unassailable or ‘should be’ of the way all INFPs thought. I was always grateful when commentators shared their own opinions or agreed with me. I never did take for granted that everyone within the INFP community would agree with me.

In fact, some of them disagreed here in this blog post. But I guess that’s how one learns🙂

Through various influences here and outside, I feel less and less a need to state stridently my views or even use my blog as a personal outlet.

For the past 2 years, I have thought of creating an INFP forum or blog to give back to the community who has supported me and each other in their life journeys. More and more, I feel my blog posts to be immature, inadequate and unrepresentative of the community in general.

While I gave thought to creating a separate space for all, I think personally, I do not want to be administrating 2 blogs. Also, since there are already subscribers here, why not use this blog as a testbed?

So today, I am inviting all INFP out there who would like to write a blog post here to contact me at

Though I have chosen to remain anonymous all this time- the reason that the things I write are sometimes too personal and also to let it be easier for people to respond (I have a strange way of thinking..haha)- it is your choice if you want to identified.

I would suggest would-be contributors give your:

However, I must say, not all articles will be accepted for publish- there will be articles that have too many spelling problems or just not a right fit. BUT frankly, I do not see there will be many compelling reasons to reject any article sent to me. I want to make it as hassle free for myself and so will only check spelling errors before publishing here.🙂 There will not be any editing on my part, though I will start by introducing the writer of the article. (edit 24/09/2012: edits made will be on spelling, paragraphing and highlighting of content in guest post for readability, but no content changes)

My most selfish reason for doing this? I like to hear other INFP’s life stories and perhaps learn something from everyone. I will never make this free blog open to advertising- so I will not gain financially from this.

I understand that there will be people who will have suspicions about my motives, that I am trying to make this blog more popular or espouse a certain view or vilify other MBTI types. I assure while this are interesting motives, this is not my agenda.

But I can say, I do love a good INFP discussion!

So if any INFPs are interested in writing any posts relating to INFP or your life experience, do contact me at There are no age restrictions. I would like to hear from INFPs of all ages. You can celebrate being an INFP, you can input insights about yourself, you can write psychology/ sociology / philosophical related articles, you can write about your life- anything goes. Do attach your blog link if you wish.

Of course, correspondingly, I will treat this blog from today more as a community site than a personal one; though I will still write if there is something that interests me. Contributors are encouraged to interact freely with the commentators- though if you choose not to, that’s cool.😉

I do sincerely hope there will be someone responding..!

With Gratitude,

An interesting time

10 Jun

Hello my friends, how are you all doing?

Life has been showing me recently what I have been missing all this time. I been taking up classes & going events.. & that has seemed to trigger something in the universe for me.

I feel that life is showing me a lot of possibilities that is up to me to accept. Being open to events as they happened has resulted in people approaching me – which never really happened in the past when I was in my angry ‘Fi’ years or even when I was constantly aware of ‘Ne’ & possibilities.

I have been invited to parties, dates and even a trip to India.. I am full of gratitude for these possibilities and I think it’s a pretty exciting time.

Since getting over that guy- I have gone on a couple of dates. While I have yet to find any connection with any of my dates.. (who I think are mostly sensors-😉 I am constantly gratified to know that I am considered a normal person by my dates. It’s just good to know that, that I am ‘normal’. I take it to mean I’m chill enough & not high maintenance.

Going to a partner dance class where we switch partners often – has given me an small insight into what kind of behavior I would appreciate in a partner. There are guys who stare past you, who only smile but do not say anything, who try to direct you to improve your steps, & those who try to make you comfortable. There was even a younger guy who tried to protect me from the instructor’s correction. That I found to be quite charming and sensitive since he seemed genuinely annoyed on my behalf. (though I was really amused) I guessed he might have been a fellow infp cause he was also much of a klutz as I was..😉

I am not sure how long this will continue.. but it is nice to be given an opportunity by the universe to interact with the world more these days.

How is life for you,my fellow infps?

Finding it hard to let go

22 Jan

Just friends..?

Could I ever find it in myself to be just friends with someone who claimed he loved me yet treated me unfairly. Who asked for kindness from me but treated me with cruelty when I wanted reassurance.

I cannot even think of the past or future with him now.

I am finding it hard to put together the puzzle- the person he says he is and the selfish words coming from his mouth & his actions thus far. I feel I have been lied to, manipulated, and tossed aside. Like a plaything of a child.

I ask myself if I am being vindictive. But its a quiet, tired voice that says.. “Enough.. enough. Its time to move on.”

My diary is littered with pieces of my heart. Its not the first time I felt this way.

What is keeping me calm is reading this book
“A Call to Compassion- Bringing Buddhist Practices of the Heart into the Soul of Psychology” by Aura Glaser.

It is a book written with much love for humanity and self. It is just 207 pages, but its been one of the best books I ever read on compassion in the Buddhist form.

I feel that I had progressed a little over this past year. I had moments of clarity and gratitude to the world. I felt lighter. Then when I thought I was ready to move on & remove my emotional ties to him, his confession put me in a tailspin. I was not as grounded as I thought, and in hindsight, this was a major setback for me.

Its been 4 months since the fallout and I am still struggling not to message him. I’m getting the strong inner voice to chase away the demons. Letting my angry voice rant in my private diary. Protecting the child in me from demeaning thoughts. Focusing fully on my body while doing yoga. Keep at meeting new people and doing things for others, like making cookies & wrapping presents. Taking photos.

I would not say its easy. Going through Christmas and New Year like this is horrible. Greeting people in the mornings with a puffy face & crooked smile has been the mode. Trying to be normal when all is not. Knowing that the other fork in the road is now destroyed.

I have to acknowledge my emotions to myself, even if it is hard to let anyone know. I will try not to wallow if I can help it.

I think about vengeance, in the form of wanting to be someone he will regret leaving- then these thoughts seem funny for a laugh and a small wise voice tells me to be compassionate to myself. I think its a result of reading the book by Aura..

There is this aphorism in the book which says “Be grateful to everyone” or “Meditate on everyone as kind”. It means, even “those who insult and irritate us are the most difficult subjects for gratitude, and the most fruitful. [..] Contemplating the kindness of others means hat, whatever their intentions, we can still benefit from whatever others do. Rather than submit to resentment or hatred, rather than nursing a grudge or denying a problem, we opt for a way to further open the heart. […] Being grateful to everyone means also being grateful for everything. It means just being grateful- unconditionally. Be grateful for the difficulties, and be grateful for the relief of these difficulties.”

It is all very wise.. & hard to do.. but I shall try to see this whole situation as beneficial.

First you get the highs then you get the lows

28 Dec


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First, I have to apologize for all the confessions here which might make it uncomfortable for some to read.

My life has been a rollercoaster ride for the past 2 months since I wrote my last post.

I had been over my feelings for my friend (who I mention about a couple of times in this blog) for a couple of months. And just as I was not really hoping for anything.. he made a confession and asked if we could date.

Initially I was over the moon. I really was. I felt really happy and comforted.

But then it became a disaster just 3 weeks ago. My undiagnosed mild-borderline was triggered over a postponed appointment. (part of a series of postponed appts actually- lack of discussion worsened it into an emotional issue)

I’ll save you from the ugly details..(think Fi-Si-Ne in the worst way) the end result was we not meet as often.😦

I have come to wonder… how do you know if someone is willing to travel the spiritual path of life with you- even though it would take work? I am willing to put in the emotional work to be a balanced person.. but how does one know if the person is willing to be very patient with me and also be open to theirs as well?

I had thought my friend and I were spiritually connected in some way. Not sure if it makes any sense, but I had asked for someone with his name to be in my life before I met him. The first time we met was pretty average, but I had a dream of him where he turned and looked at me silently in a dream- it seemed to me it was indication we needed to talk. I kept dreaming of him after that- and it was more than I ever dreamt of anybody, family included.

The first time we went out for drinks, we saw a double rainbow and he even bought a mirror. We even had the same type of watch and mobiles. Now you think I’m in cuckoo-land don’t you? ;D.

I had felt then he was my mirror-mate, if you understand. Someone who reflects you closely, but inversely. I really cared for him.

It was often easy to understand each other and conversations would flow. I was always very honest and kind with him. But it was also easy to build on each others emotions, negatively. If I became irrational, he would follow suit.

During the past year or so though, we did our own growing and seemed more different.

Smart people will say that you cannot build a relationship on surface similarities- it has to be about similar values and respect.

Still its hard to let go of someone whom you cared intensely about and believe you have a spiritual connection with. But because he has implied this is too much for him as he does not know what would trigger me next and distance would be better, I will not force him. There is just no point.. right..?

I wish my anger issues would just go away.. and this didn’t turn out like this. I thought I had made progress in getting better- but turns out the explosives are gone but the switch is still there. My fuse is not working properly yet.. (haha..cynical laugh)

Cried out my eyes a bit, guess its time now to move on. (Ne (extroverted intuition) is being in a protective mode with the lame jokes..)

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